Well, it's cold outside. Usually I like winter. You know. Chai lattes, scarves, boots, snow covered mountains, Christmas, and even my birthday, are usually things I look forward to. But this year I'm not in the mood. Like I don't know what my deal is. Spring is my favorite time of year, and I couldn't be more anxious for it to show up at my doorstep.
Ok, catching up...
Fall semester is almost over. Could not be more relieved. There wasn't enough coffee in the library cafe to keep me awake and going in those classes. I thought it would be smart to go straight from high school to college, but now I'm realizing I might have been a little more burnt out than I thought. So my game plan is to have Spring semester involving a significant amount more of art classes. And I couldn't be more happy about it. If I'm going to keep my head down and push through this, I might as well enjoy it a little right?
It's also a little hard to stay motivated in school when I haven't the slightest of ideas of what I'm doing with my life. Do I stay with my safe declared major of Marketing? Do I go to culinary school as suggested by most of my family and friends? Or do I go with my gut and follow through with my childhood dream of entering the fashion industry?
When I was in the first grade, my best friend's name was Amy, and I can still remember after school we would sit on her purple day bed with sketches of my dress designs and her swim suit designs scattered everywhere, and we'd talk over our plans of going to fashion school and becoming designers together while giving each other makeovers. We were so imaginative. Or so I thought.
There was a point while growing up, when I'd decided that dream was unpractical, and therefore unattainable. My mind was completely focused on numbers and dollars. I envisioned a comfortable life. I'd always seen myself taking care of, and supporting myself. That meant whatever job made the most money. So I set new ambitions. Replaced my dreams of design school with goals of Law School.
But now? After growing up a little more, I've had some new realizations. I want a job I love. I want a job I'm excited to get up and go to every morning. Life is too short to not do the things you love. The result of my little epiphany? My goals, visions, and dreams are all blurred. Leaving me more confused than ever. Trying to find a balance between a job I love and a comfortable income. So... now, I'm sitting in philosophy
1010 contemplating life in all of it's entirety, and what to do with mine, and Amy has been accepted to fashion school in California getting ready to live out our childhood dream.
Well Shit.
*
Pardon my french.* But in all honesty? I've never felt more pathetic in my life.
Sure I've set goals. But I feel like none of them are concrete, because I can't make up my mind. They say you're supposed to figure it all out in college. Taking different classes, figuring out what you like. But there are a lot of classes you can't take without investing yourself into a major or a program. It's so frustrating because I don't want to be the girl who spends forever in school constantly switching her major. Especially while all my friends are moving on with their lives being successful.
But like one day at a time right?
Right.
